In the months following Warren's death, I searched through my memory of the week preceeding, to try to determine what I could have done to prevent his death. I have spent many years blaming myself for what happened. I often told Mark that when a women gives birth to three children but loses one that is only a 66% sucess rate and therefore I was a failure as a mother. As I have gained some perspective with time, I realize that this self-judgement may have been harsh, but to tell the truth, I still feel like a failure sometimes.
So here are some things I would do differently.
1. I would be sure to hug and kiss my children more and never in a distracted way.
2. I would tell my children I love them each and every time they went out the door, when they got up and when they went to bed, when I talked to them on the telephone, and at random times in-between.
3. I would make sure to act on love as a verb.
4. I would worry less about their safety and more about doing things as a family.
5. I would listen and then ask questions to be sure I had their concerns as my own.
None of these things would have saved Warren's life but I would feel better today had I resolved to do these things yesterday. I did start to act on many of these things with my daughters and believe it or not, that is when I started to feel like a good mother again.
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