Anniversaries

As a rule, I like anniversaries. The big exception, of course, is the anniversary of Warren's death. He injured himself on June 16, died on June 21 and was buried on the 26th. It use to be a 10 day pity party for me. Even my husband and daughters stayed away from me during that 10 day period for a number of years. I don't think that it was intentional but I was rather unpleasant to be around, self-medicating with alcohol didn't help matters either.

Life goes on. New anniversaries were added into our circle of life. The first and certainly the most joyous is the wedding anniversary of Sarah and Jeff, my daughter and husband. Five years ago, as a newly engaged couple, they tried to pick a wedding date that would work for everyone in their circle of family and friends. The best date was June 16, so they asked Mark and I what we thought. We decided as a family, a wedding would over-power the sadness of Warren's death and it has. We honored Warren at the wedding and the party that followed and have done so at every wedding in our family since. The truth is, we needed a way to move on and find reasons to celebrate life. Sarah and Jeff gave our family that push.

I do not think that you dishonor the memory of someone you love when you give up some bit of the sadness. I find that I can more easily remember and celebrate Warren's life when I am in a celebratory mood.

Last week, a wonderful friend of Elissa and Warren gave birth to a new daughter. I am thrilled to add one more reason to celebrate to this week of anniversaries.

Yes, I still have my moments during these days when I revert to sadness. I expect it now and do the things I need to do to take care of myself. My family does as well. We no longer avoid each other during this 10 days of anniversaries, but now we are much more likely to be celebrating a wedding anniversary, or a get together of old college friends.

If you have a comment or suggestion on how you handle these anniversaries, please comment on the blog or contact me directly at kricester@gmail.com. For more information on the grieving process, log into www.johgriefsupport.com.