What you lose is the Future.

There is a big difference in losing an adult that you love and losing your child. When my dad died, it seemed a natural but sad part of life. I would have to rely on a lifetime of memories. It was sad but not unexpected.

When Warren died, it did not seem natural. Even though losing a child often happens, it cannot be natural. I believe that it is because when your parent or spouse dies, you lose someone you love. Someone you made memories with. But you have the memories. You made this person a part of the cloth of your life. He or she has already been woven in and the fabric is sturdy, whole, robust, can survive almost any environmental challenge.

The death of a child is different. What you lose is the future. I think about it often and it comes about in the most unexpected ways. Sometimes I see a young man on an airplane or in a store and he reminds me of what Warren might be or could be today. He should be 25 years old. He should be a college graduate, he might have fallen in love, got married. We missed out on all these events. They can never be reclaimed. These events will never be part of the fabric of our lives. I am frequently reminded about these loses. Last summer, my oldest daughter graduated with her master's degree. It was an awesome event, she graduated with a three-week old baby in her arms. Yet in the midst of this, one of Warren's friends graduated with a bachelor's degree that same day, same university. I was there to witness his family celebrate his milestone and was reminded that this was never to be mine.

Did I enjoy the day anyway? Absolutely. I probably treasure each special moment even more now that I know what it feels like to lose the future. Incidentally, having a grandchild has restored my joy in looking forwardnto the future in ways that are unexpected and wonderful.