My basement (really the room above the garage) is full of things from my children's childhood. There are ribbons for competitions, essays they wrote, student of the month awards, clothes and toys. This week Sarah started helping me organize my photographs and there were tens of thousands of photos and I still don't have much that predates Warren's death more than 10 years ago saved on my computer.
Yet there is always some discussion of when and how you should "dispose" of your loved ones' belongings after death. I only bring this up because three of my friends have lost their mother this summer and another is watching her parents lose their battle with old age. Some people think that you need to clean-out and give things away quickly because it is a sign of moving on with the grieving process. Other people I know have left their parents things sit for years. My Uncle's home is still filled with the stuff my Grandmother stored in his spare room, some dating back more than 50 years.
I have to say that when my Dad died, I didn't even pay much attention to his stuff. I think it is mostly gone now because a couple of years after his death, my Mom moved into a newer, smaller home. With Warren, it was different. I felt like I had to be sensitive to his sisters and Mark as I cleaned out his room. So we went along in fits and starts. The room was painted, the bed thrown away. I tried to make the room my office but it didn't suit me as an office. It felt like it should be a bedroom so we put a bed back in there. I kept all his toys and books although, most of then probably should have been thrown away or donated and his clothes went into big storage tubs that to this day, I haven't unpacked.
Although I kept all these things, I never revisit them. They don't bring me comfort and I doubt that looking at one of his pairs of shorts would evoke any meaningful memories at this point.
There is a photograph that I love. It was taken by a friend of mine at a school event. It is just a close up of Warren's face and my Dad's face and they were smiling and having fun. Oh yes, that makes me think of so many happy times that Warren spent with my father. It is definitely a memory worth revisiting often. So keep the memories and get rid of the stuff, but only when you are ready.
If you have any comments, please post them or you can comtact me directly at kricester@gmail.com.
What great advice!
ReplyDeleteHi Mrs. Rice,
ReplyDeleteI feel strange calling you Kathleen even though I am now an adult and married with my own children. You used to be my teacher at Schimelpfenig Middle School. You taught us how to make balsa wood cars with CO2 cartridges to propel them. More than that though, I remember your stories. I remember you telling us that your father had recently passed away. ..About your memories and life. All teachers do this in the course of their teaching but for some reason I always hung on your every word. You always had a smile on your face and you made the class so interesting. I remember Warren popping his head in once or twice. I always looked forward to your class. When I heard about Warren it was the following semester. I stopped by your classroom to tell you how sorry I was but you weren't there anymore. I have never stopped remembering since; Especially now that I have a new son of my own. I wanted to thank you for being such a great teacher and role model. You taught me so much and reading your blog now you've taught me about motherhood too. Thank you.
Sarah VanderMeer (formerly Sarah Galceran)